She was Catholic, deeply committed to her faith. He, on the other hand, was not baptized, not even religious in any sense. Yet, to get married in the church, he had to undergo a multi-year process of religious instruction and baptism. It was a long, grueling journey, done only to meet the requirement for a church wedding.
This story isn’t uncommon, and it baffles me. In what world do we ask someone we supposedly love to endure such an ordeal just for a ceremony? At best, it feels egotistical. How can that be an act of love when one partner is talked into converting to a religion they don’t believe in? It’s a façade—for what? If either of them had exercised intellectual honesty, they wouldn’t have gone through with it.
Is It Really About Love?
If you’re marrying for love, why all the stress with the planning and organization? Why spend months—sometimes years—obsessing over every detail of a day that’s supposed to celebrate your love? If it’s truly about the bond between two people, why let it be hijacked by an industry profiting from elaborate weddings? If what you want is a memorable day with friends and family, why not just do that—without the financial strain and the burden of tradition?
The Absurd Economics of Weddings
Let’s talk about the financial side of weddings. Couples often spend thousands of euros (tens of thousands in some cases) for one single day, and yet, in many cultures, it’s become customary for guests to help offset that cost by giving a gift. Think about that: the couple is already pouring a fortune into the event, and now the guests are expected to pay for their participation as well. Does that make sense?
From a financial perspective, it’s absurd. If everything goes perfectly, the couple might break even. The guests, on the other hand, walk away with a net loss, and the only real winners are the venue, caterers, and the entire wedding industry. We’ve created a system where enormous amounts of money are exchanged, and no one (except the businesses) truly benefits.
All Ceremonies Look the Same
That’s another issue—weddings, no matter how much money is spent, rarely stand out. The same format, the same traditions, the same expectations. And that, to me, is yet another clue that the act isn’t as genuine as it should be. If a wedding were truly a personal expression, wouldn’t it look different for everyone? The fact that most weddings follow a predictable script shows that it’s more about fulfilling cultural expectations than celebrating love in a unique, meaningful way.
One Day—Is It Really Worth It?
Yes, it’s one memorable day, but is that really enough to justify the time, energy, and resources poured into it? There are countless other experiences in life that can have a deeper, longer-lasting impact. I’m not saying a wedding can’t be special, but when you consider the effort and cost, it pales in comparison to what else you could do with that money and time.
The Imbalance in Wedding Planning
From my experience, the desire for a big, elaborate ceremony is often driven by one partner more than the other. This frequently leads to an imbalance where the person who wants it more ends up doing most of the work, while the other remains less involved. On the surface, that doesn’t seem fair. If you’re committing to the idea of a wedding, then the responsibilities should be shared equally.
Sure, relationships involve compromise. One partner might feel strongly about having a big ceremony, and the other might agree to go along without playing an active role. But doesn’t that raise another question? When one person is shouldering most of the responsibility for something that’s supposed to symbolize partnership, isn’t that a red flag? If you commit to the wedding, you should also commit to the work that comes with it—together.
And if you’re not willing to share that load, or if you’re fine with letting your partner take on all the responsibility, then maybe you shouldn’t go through with it. Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, and it should begin with equality and shared effort, not with one person carrying the entire burden.
When It Makes Sense
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying no one should ever get married. There are situations where it makes perfect sense! Maybe a family member is nearing the end of their life and would find great joy in seeing you married—by all means, go for it. Or perhaps same-sex marriage has just been legalized, and you want to celebrate that freedom by marrying your partner—that’s a beautiful and meaningful reason to have a ceremony. And, if you’re financially well-off and simply want to splurge on an extravagant day, why not?
But, if you’re struggling to make ends meet, if you’re not particularly religious, or if only one of you really wants the ceremony, it’s probably not the best idea. At that point, it’s no longer about love or commitment—it’s about fulfilling someone else’s expectations. And that’s never a good reason to go through with it.
At the end of the day, I’m not against marriage. I’m against doing it for the wrong reasons. Are we getting married because we genuinely want to, or because we’re told that’s what we’re supposed to do? If it’s the latter, then maybe it’s time to rethink the whole thing.
Explore more posts and join me on this journey of critical thinking and self-improvement.